is there an age when you’re no longer supposed to be affected by certain shit? like you’re parents separated, but you were17 when it happened so why are you so affected? also, is there a cut-off for when things should stop affecting you? like a certain number of years pass so you really should be over this by now.
i had a panic attack today, and i saw my mom today. are they linked? who’s to say? all i know is that parental relations aren’t my thing (read: i have no workable relationship with either of my parents). was at the hospital to see a cardiologist, because guess who has a heart with issues? well, mom was there. and like the sun rising from the east, there was an argument. it’s something i’ve come to expect and so i ride it out the best i can. i don’t wanna be there. i didn’t ask for a heart issue. i just wanna live. so after that bust up, i’m walking home and it happens. my brain goes off. i’m having a panic attack in the middle of the street. that’s not good. make it home, i think. make it home and you can deal with it. did i? yes. s/o to my best friend for yanking me out of my own head with the spider.
so now i’m here. wondering when, if ever, i’ll be able to live calm. wondering when i won’t be affected by the spectre of 2016.
✌🏾
