i’m something of a nocturnal animal. the daytime has never suited me, and i’ve always preferred to wreck my sleep cycle in order to get those sweet, sweet nighttime hours. but why? why do certain people (me included) prefer the cold glow of the moon? why are we attracted to the pitch blackness of midnight? well, i can’t say for other people, so i’m gonna answer for me.
(testing out the lowercase style for personal pieces)
first point, everyone is asleep. i don’t like people, and i don’t like being in a place where i have to interact with people. never have. and the night provides a baked-in mechanism to avoid that. people need to sleep. most people choose to do so at night, and just like that, i no longer have to talk to anybody. as far as i’m concerned, i am the only person in the whole world. nobody else exists. nothing else exists. there are few better feelings than that. the freedom that the night brings. i’m not a kid with no direction, or broke, or constantly on the verge of walking into traffic. i’m just alone. at peace.
second, it’s dark. i’m not a huge fan of the sun, or bright lights in general. i’ve always preferred my “workspace” be as dim as possible (to the bewilderment of most people i know). shades drawn, lights off. nobody can see me (and i can’t see anyone). the only illumination is my laptop screen on my face. in my defense, i can see really well in the dark (testament to a misspent childhood trying to be batman). so, i’ve never needed that much light to read, or work, or get around. but when other people are around (ooh, look. tie-ins), they want the lights on, and the shades open. they want to flood every corner with as much “light” as they can possibly get. which is fine. they want what they want. but since i’m never gonna win the “close the curtains” debate, might as well just live in a time when there is no sun streaming in thru the windows. where no one is around to tell me to turn on the lights, or ask me for the billionth time “how can you see?” (i’m batman, mother. that’s how).
third, i can be alone with my thoughts. there’s a reason sad boi hours are between 2am–4am. in that time, smack dab in the middle of the night, there is no judgement, from anyone. i can think about the multitude of crushes that i’ve been too chicken to do anything about. i can think of the one girl that shredded my heart like mincemeat. i can walk around vocalizing any one of an uncountable number of thoughts and scenarios that run thru my brain at any given moment. i can consider the whatever i want, and essentially reset my brain. clearing out the old shit to make room for new stuff. or just existing with my thoughts in a way that i’d never do if the sun was up. hell, i’ll probably not publish this until 11pm, because there’s an ephemera that the night brings. like cosmic vegas. nothing is permanent, and nothing leaves.
fourth, the night is mine. time stops between the hours of 11 and 6. in that period when the sun is down, and everyone has dancing with the sandman, the concept of time doesn’t exist. i don’t exist. i don’t have a mountain of expectations driving me to an early self-inflicted death. i don’t have a myriad of problems, and issues. all i have is the night. and quiet. a quiet so deep, even in the city, that i can hear the insects on the wall. i can sit crisscross on the floor for hours, and there will be nothing said. there are no endless lectures about the future at night. the night is a seemingly endless series of “nows”, each one connecting to the last in a never-ending string of consciousness, only broken by the orange crack of dawn on my perfect and beautiful mural of darkness.
fifth (final and a tad more upbeat), everything is better at night. i’m being dead serious. every movie you’ve ever seen, every tv series, every video game you’ve ever played, book, whatever. the experience is elevated tenfold by the simple act of doing it in the night. when i was in school, i used to borrow novels from my classmates, read them overnight, and give it back to them the next day. those midnight reads, with a torch wedged between my cheek and shoulder, racing to finish this book before i have to be awake to go to school again, those were some of the best memories i have from school. try it. watch your favorite movie in the middle of the night. i can guarantee it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done.
